so yeah it's been a while... but here goes...


this new guy... he's amazing.... and no im not just saying this... he really is... we get along so great and he is just a total sweetheart and respectful. I love his company... and i really really do like him. things are working out great..... we have done the act of love.. lol and it was great. it really was. He is just waiting for me to give the OK on the whole bf and gf thing.... i know its just a title but i just feek when im ready... i'll be ready.. i just dont want things to get ruined because what we have is so great.


anyways school is great... im doing really good. and life overall is good.


im really committing myself to get in shape for the summer. I want to look awesome in a bathing suit.. and just get in shape... i know i just have to focus for 2 months and workout... and ill be good. =)


so yea im keeping this post short.. but at least i wrote one!

So Here i am... with a back pain... sore throat... headache. im not gonna lie my body feels pretty weak, but Id figure I would write with an update of my life..

So i think im finally done with him.. I actually am! and you know it doesnt hurt as much. I guess i realised and i know im worth more that just a hook up. I spilled my heart out to him but nothing came of it... and meeting someone else made me realise that there are nice guys out there. He came to my house... and you know it wasnt as i thought it would be. he ended up admiting that he's a selfish guy... and i thank him for telling me that because it made me realise i can do better. Im young and I have so much ahead of me... whats the point of wasting my time with someone who doesnt APPRECIATE ME! lol I dont hate this guy... because in the end guys will be guys... but im DONE with the desperate drunk text messages and spilling my heart out to him... NO more!!! And its not because ive met someone new (who knows if that even works out) but im okay with myself right now... so yeah im ok...


So this college apps are driving my nuts... i think i might just end up going to CSUN... not really because i want to... but i kinda have to. I dont really want to rely on my parents paying for my education and what not... so its fine. I got 2 more years left and then Ill actually be a college graduate!

Im finally starting school in a couple of weeks... which is exciting because I LOVE school... (im a nerd) but being stuck at an office full time doesnt work well for me. Luckily my job still wants to keep me so theyre accomidating a part time schedule that works out well with my school schedule... (Ill work 3 days a week - 8 hour shifts , but have 4 days off) so im happy. Work has been super stressful... so it would be hard dealing with a full time job and a full time school schedule.


About this new person in my life... well gosh i know i say this all the time but he's different... lol by different i mean to say normally hes not my type. Hes a simple guy... not conceited or into himself. Weve hung out and so far its great. He says eventually he wants a gf if things work out with a girl. So i guess he kinda wants the same thing i do. Hes very sweet and all... but this all new... so I know i cant get my hopes up but I guess i kinda have a good feeling about him. We will seeeeee.... =)

love...

i want to know what thats like.... im tired of meeting all these wrong people who dont do anything but hurt me and break my heart... =/
I just want to be with someone... spend time w/ them... go on dates with... talk to him.. i just want to be loved... im still heart broken from the last one... but the only thing that can heal my broken heart is finding someone worth it.... someone! mannnn i hope 2009 brings that missing piece to my life...
i have almost everything going for me... im halfway done w. school... i work... i have a great family... i am financially stable... i have awesome friends... i just need a love.
Its easy to just find someone to have fun with... but im so tired of meaningless sex and meaningless guys in my life..

i just hope he comes into my life... and i have finally say i have someone... it will happen when least expected.. but im becoming more impatient..


so im optomistic. =)

blah... so the holidays are approaching..

I hate holiday season.. I always feel so lonely. =[

I came into the conclusion that I want a relationship...
not really in particular with someone (every guy i like is a jerk)
but... this is gonna sound say but I want to be LOVED.

I want to be with someone who will make me happy.. who I can go out with..
someone i can just spend time with..
Im tired of dealing with people who dont appreciatee me.
IM TIRED OF IT...
I dont understand certain people who just play with my feelings and give me a false hope...
the whole "I can prove it to u... i am not like that".... its all bull shit..

I know i can be a bitch with guys at times.. but i dont play with peoples emotions...
OH maaan...

I just wish I can find someone worthy and someone who I will love and will love me back..
I hate dating. and meeting new guys... they all just want 1 thing from me (sex)
and im tired of just being seen as an object..


hopefully one day..

so its been a while since i have posted anything on here....

but lately things have improved... im not so stressed that much (i finally resolved my money issues) but i still dont feel like anything im doing is getting me anywhere...

my job fucking sucks! everyone is nice and I perform well at work buttt I just cant stand it. I hate being on a desk all the time and not see daylight! i dont know Im going to definately start job hunting again.... ofcourse it has to be FULL TIME :( but i rather do something fulltime that I enjoy and actually like waking up every morning to.


Other than that.... im just having fun with life... I got DRUNK last night.... and i became a sad drunk... i realised the only time im ever crying is when im either drunk or laying in bed at night. OoooO and i can honestly say that dressing up as minnie mouse definately updated my "Playa" status.... i met so many cute guys and got numbers and gave my number. OooO and for some reason last night i ended up being with a random guy at 2am at Denny's.. lol.......... it's been a while since ive been crazy... but I LOOVED it!


and... its just so confusing reading certain people's mind. Mannn... sometimes I wish i knew what he was thinking or feeling... its so easy for me to be honest and express how I feel... but I just want him! but at the same time I cant be too patient with someone who isnt ready... You eventually have to move on... after all i am young and people come and go... He can say he will "prove it to me"... but anyone can say that... actions speak louder than words... i guess ill see what happens... im hopeful i can have what i want... =/

So its down to 4 days and im off 3000 miles away.. im nervious yet kinda sad. Lately ive been having so much fun that i dont wanna leave the fun. The other nite i went out with 2 of my gfs and we went to these nice bars and clubs in Hollywood. Talk about VIP service! we had people buying us drinks ALL NIGHT.. the only thing we payed for was parking.. but we had a blast! man i love my friends! i started talking to this guy Matt... hes like OMG super cute!!! all my friends think hes so HOTT! well he is.. but yeah ive hung out with him a couple of times. We get along so well! its pretty crazy. I like him. we talk everyday i know... finally someone that can get me over David... i dont know i guess it just sux since im leaving and im just scared that when im back he'll have someone else.. but the fact that we get along so good scares me.. what if he sees me as a friend and not like that... i dont know why im so insecure... maybe its the whole rejection feeling from David... My goal is to kiss him before i leave.. :) i have to!

other than that im having so much money trouble! i havent payed for my credit card bill and i need to buy stuff for NY........ and i have too much pride to ask my parents for money. but im just waiting on another credit card to help me with these expenses.

So life... its been i guess mellow/sad/weird...
My grama died like 2 weeks ago... Its really the 1st time someone so close to me died... and it was really sad. I was pretty much on shot down mode for like a whole week i didnt work.. didnt go to school.. nothing.. I know shes in a better place looking down at us and i just am more calm about it now...

Im getting another job... a really good paying one... im still staying at my current job.. i just am looking for another part time. i sent my resume and i got a call back from this tutoring place that pays $20 an hour (which is amazing!) im gonna deposit my ed award which is like 1800 into my credit card and just pay off 2000 dollars.. with this other job im sure i would be able to pay it off in like 3 months... afterwards im done paying my dues Im getting another car. I could get a 2003 or 2004 Jetta for like 12000 or less.. (i was looking online..) and at that time ill have good credit so i wont need a co signer or a down payment.. ill use my current car and trade it in... So yea thats like my 2008 goal! getting my new used car.. lol

another thing that will most likely happen.. Im down to 3 classes until transfering to CSUN.. (i know how cool Lourdes!) so if things work out as planned Ill be in an actual university by next fall!!!!! Im so happy... for some reason i didnt think id get this far... i dont have the best grades or anything but hey i did it!

so yeah new used cool car... and new school :) CANT WAIT...

2008 here we come!

what i love about my job is how i get this positive energy from my job..
i work at a very low income area elementary school...
and i love my job..
not because of the cute co worker...
but just because i like how i can make a difference in someone's life everyday...
speacially a kid..

so we had a fieldtrip the other day.. to watch the dodger game
and there are these 3 kids who are great...
i have a 1st grader in my class.. who is really a great kid..
they're poor and these kids dad is in jail..
and the mom didnt have enough money to buy 2 kids lunches... which was 20 dollars.. so i went out of my way and told her not to worry about it...
so the best feeling was knowing how much fun my student was having...
i mean i only see these kids at schoo. but i really dont know what goes on at home... but obviously its not the so called perfect life.. but just seeing these kids have a blast is such a great feeling..
its these type of kids who really in the longrun appreciate life... and know the worth of things...

So.. I'm an official sidekick whore!!!! I got the sk3 and I'm totally hooked on it... I'm even posting this from my sidekick... lol

Well its a good thing.. I got my own cell plan and now I don't have to go through drama with my parents telling me this and that... yeah.. I even think they are happy I got this just so they won't deal with me... which I think is understandable because I'm older... so yeah

Other than that life is okayyy..
Nothing BIG going on this summer.. I don't mean to say this summer is lame.... but there hasn't been a big highlight... last summer I had so much going on and it was crazzy and fun!!! But I feel this summer its more chill... like I like it but don't at the same time... I just kinda want something crazy to happen (make out with co worker and possibly do more..) Lol but I just neeed the extra UMPHH!!!! If that makes any sense...

I miss odais so much... I hungnout with her last nite after like almost a month and it was coool.. I can't wait till the summer season is over so she could come back and yeaaaa but we are going to the beach on tuesday!!!!! Me and my new wonderbread swimsuit haha

So yeah liife is Gooood! :D

so yeah... i cant sleep...

maybe its because of the redbull i had at 7 pm...
anyways... life is okay.. its gonna be my birthday on the 22nd of this month... so im happy bout that.. i realised how i never have a guy in my bday.... i always get dumped or just bad luck.. always on my bday.. its okay thoguh..

Other than that.. this whole guy thing is confusing.. i seriously think i have feelings for my co worker julio.. its more than a crush... and i think he might feel the same way too.. but its just hard to let myself out.. i mean not only is it embarrassing.. and im just to shy to be like "hey i like you alot" but we work together... and like if my boss knew we were dating... or something was going on... i would get moved to another school... and im really cool with my boss so its not sometihng i would hide from her.. because its kinda like betraying her.. u know keeping a secret.. but yeah i like him and i get butterflies when he touches me and yeah... i like him.. he makes me forget about raul...

i know if he gave me a chance... it would so get me over raul... lol
i just know.. because i mean its because of julio i get happy to go to work... i like him!!!
but i mean ill see how that goes...

other than that im happy im gonna get hired after my term is over.. my boss told me.. so i wont have to go throguh the trouble of finding another job.. and im happy i get to meet the mayor this thursday.. so hey alot of positive feedback is coming from my job! :D lol

other than that.. summer is okay.. its just that i know this is kinda private.. but i have to let it out... just because most of the people in this thing arnt my real life firends... but oh man i need some!!! like seriously.. at least to make out with someone.. lol i think thats the main reason i still kinda talk to raul.. i mean i dont want to do it with someone i dont really know.. and plus its kinda sluty... which is why i would go back to him and do some... omg i sound like a pervert... but hey im tihnking this is normal.... is it only guys who should feel horny... ??? come on now.. i have needs too ;)